Finding Time for Retreat
As soon as I heard that General was sponsoring a fall retreat at Holy Cross Monastery in the Hudson Valley, I resolved to go. It had been years—pre-COVID years—since I had taken the time to remove myself from the responsibilities of life to spend extended time in prayer and reflection. Life for me is very busy. The choice to come to seminary full-time in fall 2020 meant leaving a full-time job and hustling for external scholarship support and part-time work to help support my family. Taking time to go on retreat means not spending a Saturday with my spouse and children, not having Friday for work and study, and driving upstate after class in a lot of rush hour traffic. I almost decided to not go. I’m glad I did.
I admit, I had a hard time settling into being on retreat, even though I purposely left books and research materials at home, planning to focus on what I would hear from God that weekend. I arrived at the tail end of dinner, unsure and confused about where to park, where to find my room, and what I would be doing. I found that first night hard: the first retreat session involved listening to someone talk, I felt confused at Compline, and my sleep was choppy. This feeling lingered until the next morning, and the journaling I did while there reflected this.
It wasn’t until I was able to connect individually with fellow retreatants that I felt something shift in me. A Friday afternoon tour of the monastery and a check-in session with the group after supper helped change my feeling about the retreat. Being able to speak with them about what God is working in their lives, how they see their call in their lives, and what the impact of the lingering pandemic has been for them was very meaningful. We were able to continue carrying each other’s burdens through a night of prayer for each other. I felt restored by the end of Friday night.
Attending the General retreat made it possible for me to finish the semester with a greater sense of peace and clarity. Being in seminary is a lot to carry in the best of circumstances. Add to that a global pandemic, an institution undergoing significant change, and a church in need of transformation, and seminary becomes even more of a lift. I needed a retreat more than I knew. I re-learned from this experience the importance of retreat, shared prayer, and open conversation. I have re-committed to making regular retreats a part of my spiritual practice. It helps me walk more closely with God.